Gift Wogu

The Weight of Family Expectations: Finding Balance Between Financial Independence and Marriage

Only recently, I listened to Jola and FK’s podcast, and a girl shared her struggle growing up in a poor family with eight kids they couldn’t afford. They couldn’t fund her education, so she had to train herself in school. Now, even with a job, she is financially responsible for her parents and siblings. To make matters worse, they’ve found a “rich man” for her to marry, hoping he’ll help with the family’s endless expenses.

The Pressure to Marry for Financial Support

This story is all too familiar, especially for young women pressured into marrying men they would otherwise not consider. Why? Because he has money, and he can support the family. But when do we start holding people accountable? Why are we raising children with the expectation that they will financially rescue us in our old age?

Statistics show that about 44% of people in Nigeria live below the poverty line, making financial pressure a huge factor in life decisions like marriage . But should the burden of family poverty really fall on children?

Financial Independence Before Marriage

My friend Hope and I were talking yesterday and we agreed that as a woman, the most important asset you need is financial independence, not a husband or kids. Don’t let society pressure you into thinking otherwise. In 2024, young girls, some not even 20, are rushing into marriages with no money, education, or career. They listen to men promising to “open a shop” for them. But have you learned from the experiences of women in your family or society?

Do you know how bad it is that as a young person, you cannot boast of anything for yourself? Even when you get married, and God forbid, it’s abusive—you can’t leave because you have nothing.

Understanding Parental Pressures

Okay, maybe I’m being harsh. Let’s forgive our parents for their decisions—they didn’t know better. But what about you? Educated, young, and still choosing to have numerous kids or rush into marriage because “your biological clock is ticking”? Sis, you’re just 25! Some of your mates are travelling the world, thriving in their careers, and here you are with no job, praying for a husband on every online prayer platform.

The pressure to marry is very real, but marriage is not for everyone, and that’s okay. Most of our parents who are pressuring us aren’t even happy in their marriages. So, the next time someone criticizes you for being unmarried, ask them honestly, “Has your marriage truly made you happy?”

Cultural Attitudes Toward Family and Marriage

I’m privileged that no one in my family pressured me to get married until I did. But not everyone is so lucky. Many families push their children into marriage for selfish reasons, often leading to toxic relationships.

While this blog primarily speaks to women, men are also affected. In some families, sons are discouraged from marrying because it would take their financial focus away from their parents. This often creates friction between parents and their son’s partner.

Prioritizing Yourself While Supporting Your Family

Supporting your family is important, but you come first. As my mum always says, “There’s no blessing attached to helping if you complain about it.” If you’re supporting out of guilt or obligation, rethink your boundaries. Your well-being matters.

Dear young professional, help your family out, but prioritize yourself. Dear young woman, you need money more than you need a husband or children. Financial independence gives you options. It empowers you to leave bad relationships and to make decisions that are right for you—not because of family pressure.

Reflecting on Parenting Beliefs and Family Expectations

While some parents who had many children have been “saved” by their offspring, this isn’t the norm. Having kids because you expect them to take care of you in old age is simply selfish. We need to rethink these traditional parenting beliefs and make better decisions for our own lives.

Conclusion: Your Future, Your Choice

In conclusion, whether it’s choosing financial independence over early marriage or setting boundaries with family, the decisions you make today shape your future. Marriage is beautiful, but it’s not for everyone, and that’s okay. Prioritize your well-being, make your own money, and be smart about the life choices you make.

Thank you, and God bless.