Gift Wogu

Can you date a guy who earns less than you? This post was originally written in 2021.

I started my Instagram page @Giftwogu_blog to share perspectives on issues like this, especially from a female point of view, though I always welcome men to share their thoughts as well.

Recently, I finished watching The Bold Type on Netflix, and while the storyline was engaging, one moment in particular struck me. Alex, a guy dating a successful medical doctor, felt insecure because she earned more than he did. In a society where it’s acceptable for women to marry without a source of income, it’s taboo for a man to be in the same position. Society often believes a man must earn more than his woman to be seen as “man enough”, and I could understand Alex’s insecurities.

During my National Youth Service, I spoke to a guy who said he would never let his wife out-earn him. If she did, he’d make her quit her job and start a business. The worst part? He said if her business started thriving more than his, he’d burn it down. Really?

Many women date men who earn less than they do, and some have said they could never date a man who makes more. In Nigeria, it’s common for mothers to be the breadwinners, yet they keep it quiet because society doesn’t see it as “proper.” They’ll buy things and pretend their husbands are the ones who did.

Many women date men who earn less than they earn; some women have argued that they can never date a man who makes more than them. If we’re honest, we know most of our mums are the breadwinners in Nigeria, but they say nothing about it because society believes it’s not the way it should be. So, they buy stuff and say it’s their husband who bought it.

As I take @Giftwogu_blog more seriously, I decided to ask others for their thoughts on this topic. I spoke to four women and four men and asked them if they could date someone who earned less or more than them. Here’s what they had to say (names changed for privacy):

Christian (Male)
Of course, I can date and even marry a lady who earns more than I do. All I ask for is love, trust, respect, and understanding.

Zemirah (Female)
No, I can’t. Eventually, issues with money would come up. Instead of reasoning things out, he’d see it as a problem because he earns less than I do. I hardly ask guys for anything; I try to provide for myself. A guy who earns less might see that as a problem. Me not asking for money or things might be misunderstood as me feeling sorry for him or thinking I make more money. He wouldn’t understand that it’s just my nature not to ask for things from guys, whether I’m dating them or not.

There might be an argument that doesn’t require him to bring money up, but he might. He could say I’m not listening because I have too much money, and it’s going to my head. On his part, he might not want to buy me things or surprise me because he’s trying to be economical. If I complain about it, he’d see me as extravagant, wanting him to live beyond his means, forgetting that I have the money to buy those things, but I want him to do it for me. So, unless he’s ready to not feel inferior about it or not see me as a spendthrift, it’s a no.

Tobi (Male)

The point is to understand it because sometimes, as a lady, it may enter her head, and she might start giving you attitude because of that. She may begin to feel superior, looking down on you, and bringing it up in conversations. See, forget what we tell ladies—let me not lie to you, every man wants respect from his woman. A woman having more money than the man may affect this. It boils down to understanding.

Hope (Female)

If he has more skills and is working hard to earn more, why not? If I say no, I’d be indirectly agreeing that husbands must earn more than wives, which is nonsense. I need to know that he is a smart, hard worker with whom I can join forces to make more money in the future.

David Oyovwayire (Male)

The amount of money you earn doesn’t matter to me because I am a man, and I am solely responsible for you. I am the head. Before I start dating someone, I should be responsible enough to earn something that can cater for myself and my partner. Your earnings are a backup plan for me—an assistance. The main reason a woman was created is to act as a support system. I am the man, and I have a source of income, and that’s all that matters. How much my spouse earns is none of my business. I take care of all my responsibilities.

It gives me a sense of pride to know that I have a woman who is earning more. This might be frightening to some men who lack confidence, but not to my type. I have always been content with what I have, and it’s what I have that makes me a man. As a man, you have your own, and you are responsible enough. Irrespective of how much a woman is earning, she is never a threat to you, provided you are a responsible man.

Naz (Female)

It depends on the amount. I currently earn over 130k, but I don’t know anyone who makes less than I do. I could date someone who earns less, but getting married could be an issue. I don’t think you can take care of the family on that amount—it’s not going to work. We’d need to increase our income, because if you’re currently earning less than I do, I don’t see that working.

CN (Male)

Just earning more? Of course, I can. If someone is experiencing faster career growth than I am, but that won’t be the only criterion. But if they’re rubbing it off in my face, then no.

Victoria (Female)

Well, for me, I can and I also can’t. It depends on the circumstances. If he has a vision for his life and I see potential, then it’s possible. The thing is, most guys who earn less tend to feel jealous of their partner or their ego gets bruised. You might have to downplay your wins so they don’t feel insecure. If that’s the case, then it’s a no.

Well, diverse opinions from four women and men. So, what’s it for you? Do you think a lady earning more should be a problem in a relationship? Are you team I don’t care if my babe makes more than me or team I don’t want my girlfriend/wife to earn more than me? Leave a comment below and follow us on Instagram @Giftwogu_blog!

So, what’s your take on this?
Do you think a woman earning more than her partner should be a problem? Are you Team “I don’t care if my partner earns more” or Team “I don’t want my partner to earn more than me”? Leave a comment below and follow us on Instagram @Giftwogu_blog!